the tao of jaklumen

the path of the sage must become the path of the hero


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I Am So Tired Right Now

If it isn’t already bleedingly obvious right now, I’m on a blogging hiatus.

I am so tired.

 

A quick note- there will be a little salt in the following words.  If coarse language offends you, I won’t be offended in turn if you gloss over the next parts, or even stop reading.  I will be grateful if you continue, however.

Hit the road, Jill

I trounced Boy’s ABA therapist.  As in I told her to get out.  Then, I could only take so much of her boss blowing smoke up my ass.  It’s a semi-long story that I just don’t have time or energy to elaborate on right now.

I am very excited to have a new artist- Saphyre Rain- to write press for We Heart Music.  (What’s We Heart Music?  For those who haven’t been here over the long, long slog, leave me a comment, and I’ll explain.  For now: a music blog I wrote for back in the day.)  It’s comprised of a husband and wife duo singing about hope for suicide and self-harm issues, which are very personal and important to me.  I’ve been corresponding with Amanda, the singer/guitarist of the group, and she’s been very congenial… I’m grateful she specifically asked me to take my time.

Errrrrgggh, this is so frustrating.  I’m really frustrated!

I’m so frustrated, in a certain way.  cough No, won’t elaborate.  It doesn’t help that Cimmorene has a new memory about being molested by a caregiver when she was 3.  Why thank you, fate.  Yes, I will have another bitch slap, please.

More work on this post than I was expecting.  I’m still tired.

It takes effort to distill thoughts to 120 characters, but Twitter is less exhausting… as was discussed in the previous post.

Blogs by YOU: ask-Lillia-the-fan-troll

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My dear wife gives her Dragon’s Treasure Award to our daughter’s Tumblr– but this is no mere nepotism– this is where her art REALLY shines. Please have a look and give her some blog love.

The Dragon's Lair

Blog ButtonThis week’s recipient of the Dragon’s Treasure Blog award is ask-Lillia-the-fan-troll.  Now, I’m not going to lie to you.  This blog belongs to my daughter.  With that knowledge, I know quite a number of you are going to scream “nepotism” at me.

Hear me out.

My daughter draws nearly everything in this blog HERSELF.  Seriously!  She made up her own cast of characters: 6 trolls and 2 humans.

“Wait.  What?”  I hear you saying.

I hear your confusion and answer it with this:  Homestuck

Don’t ask me to explain.  It’s way too long and complicated for that.  Suffice it to say that, in a nutshell, everyone dies.  In the fandom, however, everyone fights over “‘ships” (short for relationships) which is much more relevant to this because it’s fan made.

Now then, back to why I chose this blog.

This is why.

tumblr_nu6dt38c7h1ucv4n1o1_1280So congratulations, Yellow_Neru.  I hope you display your…

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This gallery contains 6 photos


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The murky depths, far, far from the Community Pool

I seem to be beyond notice.  11 years, and I get so few comments.

 

I’m not looking for Freshly Pressed.  I have ceased caring about that.

 

I don’t want to be special.  I don’t want to be brave.  I just want to belong.  I started this blog to come to grips with the awful abuse my mother and others heaped on me.  11 years later, the world seems to be telling me, over and over, that most people do not care.  This space right here, it’s just not hitting people’s vibes.  It’s beyond their notice.

 

Oh, and third wave radical feminists are especially unwelcome here.  I don’t need some random bitches telling me I’m so part of the oppression.  Sadly, that’s likely to include a cousin, but ironically, she’s the only one from that branch of the family that can even be bothered to talk to me.  The others, who I used to be a lot closer to- no, they don’t care.  They don’t.  They already have their pity party on Facebook, or, whatever.  Well, there’s the Star Wars & “my man” couple.  Whatever.

Johari_window


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Lessons from my Therapist: Johari Window

Dear readers:

My therapist introduced me to the concept of the Johari window yesterday.  I had Boy with me, because I needed Cimmy to do some grocery shopping.  When she returned, and joined my session, my therapist introduced me to this concept, to help Cimmy and I understand how we perceive each other.

Will you do me a favor, please?  Please help me understand this concept by adding words you feel describe me, right here.

Arena

(known to self and others)

complex, introverted, knowledgeable, reflective, self-conscious

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

able, adaptable, bold, brave, caring, dignified, extroverted, friendly, helpful, intelligent, kind, loving, observant, proud, responsive, silly, trustworthy

Façade

(known only to self)

wise

Unknown

(known to nobody)

accepting, calm, cheerful, clever, confident, dependable, energetic, giving, happy, idealistic, independent, ingenious, logical, mature, modest, nervous, organised, patient, powerful, quiet, relaxed, religious, searching, self-assertive, sensible, sentimental, shy, spontaneous, sympathetic, tense, warm, witty

Dominant Traits

60% of people think that jaklumen is brave
60% of people think that jaklumen is caring

All Percentages

able (20%) accepting (0%) adaptable (20%) bold (20%) brave (60%) calm (0%) caring (60%) cheerful (0%) clever (0%) complex (20%) confident (0%) dependable (0%) dignified (20%) energetic (0%) extroverted (20%) friendly (20%) giving (0%) happy (0%) helpful (20%) idealistic (0%) independent (0%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (40%) introverted (40%) kind (20%) knowledgeable (20%) logical (0%) loving (20%) mature (0%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (20%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (20%) quiet (0%) reflective (20%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (20%) searching (0%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (20%) sensible (0%) sentimental (0%) shy (0%) silly (20%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (40%) warm (0%) wise (0%) witty (0%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 7.11.2015, using data from 5 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view jaklumen’s full data.

Affirmations from my therapist: Getting Better

Candle in the window

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Bringing this up from the archive; #domesticviolence was an actual thing for us. (Really, really.)

the tao of jaklumen

Candle in the window by jaklumen & family
Candle in the window, a photo by jaklumen & family on Flickr.

I love you, my dear, every time I go

You have a way to let me know

No matter how upset I may be

I know when I return, I can always see

That signal waiting home for me

Welcoming me home with light so low

That sign so warm, that candle in the window.

A candle in the window like this always let me know that it was okay to come home, after an argument.

Prayers and warm regards to Bill Hamilton (who is dealing with COPD), samara’s BFF (who is dealing with cancer), and a good friend of mine (who is dealing with T-cell lymphoma).

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