Dear readers: The standard trigger warning applies. I’m trying to stay light on the details, but… I’m nauseated just thinking about them. Please, take any precautions you need; I know many of you ask the same.
I thought I’d shared my story with this person.
Someone with a strong media voice.
And I don’t think I tweeted anything different from what I shared in my story.
But… I was assumed to be a MAN making a WOMEN’S issue my deal, and not allowing them to own it alone.
Never mind that I was upset that someone was tearing Cimmy a new asshole in the same conversation. That was totally ignored, for some reason.
I got numerous excuses when I complained, privately. This person said they had grown numb to such nuances, because of numerous hate mails flooding their inbox.
NO NO NO DAMN IT, I HAD NIGHTMARES ABOUT BEING RAPED. ONLY WEEKS AGO. LIKE BLOODY FUCKING HELL WOULD I WISH THAT ON SOMEONE, JUST BECAUSE THEY WERE SAYING SOMETHING I DISLIKED.
And I wasn’t disagreeing with what was said at all. No way. If they weren’t already a part of Cimmorene’s painful, horrifying experiences, they were experiences of a friend, or a churchmate, or someone else close to me. Mostly women, yeah, but a number of men.
Raped? Oh yes. Raped. No, not the Anne Hathaway one… that was pretty creepy, though. No, it was another one. I was blindfolded. Gang raped. By men. What the hell is in the garbage of my brain? (No, that sort of gay porn isn’t my thing, if that was ever a possibility.)
I have moved past suicidal thoughts.
NO NO NO I’m not going to tell someone to kill themselves, when I dealt with that. Someone in my parents’ congregation took his life only a week or so ago… incidentally, I didn’t that mention in my Suicide Prevention Day post. But I hope you get the idea. Of course, I was shamed once for not condemning a suicider as “selfish”. I can’t. I’d have to tell myself I was selfish… well, I already did. Several times.
This is all I can write for now, dear readers. I hope you understand. No, I won’t name names. I already feel bad just writing about it… because it feels like so much veiled aggression. But I’m angry. And afraid.
I was just trying to stick up for Cimmorene. I had no idea I was being held in contempt, too. No idea.