the tao of jaklumen

the path of the sage must become the path of the hero

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A 10-year blogging journey: Woman as Temptress

This is another one of the stages Campbell lists.  EDIT: I have just recently received some kind support from a blogging friend that remembers me telling this story before.  I remember some discussion on hers and other blogs that creepy stalkers can be male OR female!  Never fun when that happens.

My first Internet stalker was female.  I didn’t think of her as a creepy stalker at first– initially, I wanted to think of her as an online friend– but she was definitely predatory.

Homestar Runner

Homestar Runner was a very popular animated series site at the time, and the creators decided to promote it on a LiveJournal feed.  I seem to remember there was also a community for the site, or something like that, and that’s where she said she found me, when I asked.

No biggie, I thought at first.  But then came the first red flag.  Maybe you’ve noticed, dear readers, that most people read the latest posts on a blog, and it’s unusual for them to dig into the archive, unless older posts are promoted.  I was flattered at first that she was reading and commenting on older posts– but then, when I saw how far back she was combing, I was a little disturbed.

Maybe you remember that quizzes used to be a trend on blogs.  Out of misplaced curiosity, I’d posted one from an LJ friend… and this stalker answered.  Then I decided to visit the talker she was a part of.  I was curious– it reminded me of Grex (and their old protocols) and the community was also in the Midwest.

I’d never used a talker before, but I was familiar with the MUDs they were based on.  Think Second Life, but all text.  Once I got there, she’d whisk me away to a restricted room to cybersex me.  She wouldn’t take no for an answer and didn’t seem to care that I was married.  I found out she was engaged, too.  What the hell?

I made the unfortunate mistake of going along with it, and Cimmy was understandably upset when she found out about it.  I don’t mean to excuse myself, but this wasn’t the first time I allowed a crazy woman to grab attention from me, and in much that way, too.  (One of many reasons why I regret being part of the LARP and Camarilla scene.)

But Cimmy didn’t stay too mad for long and she definitely found ways to help me get even.  She cornered this woman and turned on the bright interrogation lamps, so to speak.  We also wanted to see how far she would push this to real-life, like with a telephone call.  sigh It turns out she was pretty cowardly.

The frosting on the cake came when she found out her fiancé was cheating on her– and then she ranted about it at her own space.  Oh, the hypocrisy.  This upset me a great deal, but I didn’t dare to comment too much, lest I be lambasted for my own part.

But now it’s out in the open.  Think of me what you will, I guess– this predatory behavior was more subtle, and I got emotionally hooked.  I am grateful that my wife helped me break out it.

Next post in the series: A 10-year blogging journey: New Life and the VOX years

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A 10-yr blogging journey: Crossing the Threshold

The next big posts I’m looking at in my LiveJournal material have to do with being diagnosed with sleep apnea, and going back to work at city hall as a volunteer.  They’re in the first two months of 2004.

Why do I see it as a crossing of the (first) threshold, or committing to change, as per Vogler’s inner journey interpretation?  I began to realize with both incidents that the road to employment was more or less over, and I needed to make changes to accept living with disability.  Now, I’d worked for City Hall before, as part of a welfare-to-work program.  There were certain expectations made of me then, and when I came back as a volunteer, the attitude of at least one of my supervisors was very different.  On the other hand, doing work after a proper night’s sleep made a huge difference!

What about Campbell’s analogy of the Belly of the Whale, returning to the World Womb/Navel, the Earthly Paradise?

I guess the post on Feb. 21st, 2004 speaks to that:

I’ve come to find that funerals, viewings, and such are more for the living than they are for the dead.

The post is cryptic.  I’m not sure what prompted me to this thought.  Campbell says, “Instead of passing outward, beyond the confines of the visible world, the hero goes inward, to be born again.”  And I would say it was introspective.

And I realized that– from here on out, the tone of my blogging changed DRASTICALLY.  After this post, the memes and “lemmings” start to drop off.  The blaming, the pity parties… they all seem to be gone.  The next posts are month after month of 12 Step work, which I’ll write more about in the next post or so in this series, concerning Tests, Allies and Enemies/Experimenting with new conditions and Approach to the Abyss/Preparing for major change.


Next post in the series: A 10-yr blogging journey: 12 Steps into the Special World