the tao of jaklumen

the path of the sage must become the path of the hero

The murky depths, far, far from the Community Pool


I seem to be beyond notice.  11 years, and I get so few comments.


I’m not looking for Freshly Pressed.  I have ceased caring about that.


I don’t want to be special.  I don’t want to be brave.  I just want to belong.  I started this blog to come to grips with the awful abuse my mother and others heaped on me.  11 years later, the world seems to be telling me, over and over, that most people do not care.  This space right here, it’s just not hitting people’s vibes.  It’s beyond their notice.


Oh, and third wave radical feminists are especially unwelcome here.  I don’t need some random bitches telling me I’m so part of the oppression.  Sadly, that’s likely to include a cousin, but ironically, she’s the only one from that branch of the family that can even be bothered to talk to me.  The others, who I used to be a lot closer to- no, they don’t care.  They don’t.  They already have their pity party on Facebook, or, whatever.  Well, there’s the Star Wars & “my man” couple.  Whatever.

Author: jaklumen

Wherever you see "jaklumen", that's me- the username is still unique as of the current year. Be aware that the facet you see, is only a small part of the me that is me.

10 thoughts on “The murky depths, far, far from the Community Pool

  1. You sound very alone. I hope you can find connection soon. We all need to be connected to others who care about us and love us. We all deserve that.


    • This has been a thing for YEARS. Now… I have Twitter, and oddly enough, I find more reciprocity there than I do here. I found my tribe there, in the support group chats (#sexabusechat, #CSAQT, #domesticviolencechat) but blogging is INCREDIBLY lonesome for some reason.


      • I meant real, face-to-face, sharing space connectivity. I find that no internet companionship can fill the in-person void. But I’m glad twitter has provided you with a tribe. I always mean to try twitter, but never seem to find the time.


        • Small town, Brenda. The only person from my city that seems to have REAL widespread impact is Jordan Chaney. This dude:

          No… I didn’t hear about him locally. I don’t understand why. I found out about him by way of Art of Manliness, and I just about fell out of my chair when I read where he was from. People are closed off to the Internet here- well, the average Kennewick citizen is on Facebook… and that’s about it.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. I will admit that even though I have been following your blog, almost since the day I started on WordPress, I tend not to comment a lot. Most of that is due to:

    a) Not thinking I have anything relevant to add to your discussion
    b) Not wanting to sound condescending by saying empty platitudes

    I do try to at least “like” your posts so that you can get some acknowledgement that I have read it. I hope this helps a bit. You are not alone, I do read but it is just my nature to be somewhat reserved if I do not feel like I can add value to your discussion.


    • But that’s tons of other people visiting here too, Vic, although, granted, you are saying more than most of them. I have no idea what my impact is.

      This is partly why I’m more active on Twitter. The response feels more visceral, for some reason.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I can definitely see how Twitter can seem more engaging, especially since it requires you to be succinct in your comment.


  3. Oy, yea. When I let my other blog ago it was not too hard because I thought that I hardly get read anyway.


  4. J, I don’t get many comments on my blog either. And you know what? I don’t care – I write it for me and no one else. I hear you and I feel your loneliness. It’s a hard place to be. But I do connect with you on Twitter and try to follow along as much as I can (which is really hard to do during the school semester and with my own issues). I believe in what you do. I think whatever choices you make should be for your own good an no one else’s. You have much to share. But if you feel like you’re talking in a vacuum, then that is for you to determine. I’m just so glad to see another male voice talking about issues that matter to me too. Most of all, I care about you and your family. I really do. And I hope that message is one you’ve come to know, whether I comment on your blog posts or not!!!


    • There’s no question about your sincerity and care, Brenda. I really appreciated your tweet on International Men’s Day– given the current hostile media climate, it’s not likely to get mainstream coverage. (The whole “safe zone” and other rad fem debacles is partly why I won’t be returning to academia anytime soon. Plus, another story for another time.) I appreciate you sharing the video with your father in the Wal-Mart commercial, especially. So exciting to see TV spots where I can learn a little bit more of the story- especially one I do remember!


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