Tamara Wood’s About the social change you want to see prompted me to dig down deep before I started to blog, to a funky old BBS in Ann Arbor, MI that’s still running somehow. I think I might be able to submit this to the No More Shame project as well, if there’s still time.
I was really inspired to write poetry then. Looking back now, I see that even then I was writing about my inner pain, although I didn’t feel safe enough to write about it more directly in prose. There were a few poems I wanted to choose from, but the following sums up so much with mental illness, trauma, fear, and so many other things I was dealing with:
[Mar 8 19:09 EST 1999, from the poetry conference at Grex (with one small edit)]
the drowning man. a plethora of feelings still come to engulf me or drag me in when i find them unexpectedly sometimes they come like a great wave crashing down on me or a swirling whirlpool spinning faster and faster or there are the times i am forced to wander through the jungle of life and i misstep into emotional quicksand that gradually sucks me in emotions. so many emotions flowing about me but so often dark and murky i can't see and i'm not sure how long i can tread through them as i gasp for logic take my hand i'm drowning inside
[note: this was inspired by U2’s “Drowning Man”]
the tao of jaklumen 
September 22, 2014 at 08:32
Very nice piece. Thank you for linking up with The Reverie!
LikeLike
September 22, 2014 at 08:34
Oh thank you! I figured it was a wake-up call to get some more poetry out. The piece is over 15 years old, but it’s still online… wow
LikeLike
September 22, 2014 at 09:29
I, too, have found myself writing poetry when the subject matter disturbed me too much to write it in prose. The words simply came out as poetry. I had no intention of writing poetry, but it was the only way I could express those memories or thoughts.
LikeLike
September 22, 2014 at 10:14
Yes, exactly. I did have intent, which seemed to be part of the process. I was somewhat comfortable with writing prose in high school, but by the time I started college in 1992, things happened so much more viciously and furiously, that poetry seemed to be the only way.
LikeLiked by 1 person
September 22, 2014 at 11:27
You are a far more experienced poet than I.
LikeLike
September 22, 2014 at 11:52
That’s very kind of you– I’ll admit, however, that I am not much for rhyme and meter, but prefer freeverse to keep the spontaneity flowing. Some people do not consider that poetry.
LikeLiked by 1 person
September 22, 2014 at 15:01
Of course it’s poetry.
LikeLike
September 23, 2014 at 05:33
Poetry is really such a good outlet, I do the same since sometimes it is just too hard to admit to the truth… and peotry lets you do so in style.
LikeLike
September 24, 2014 at 05:23
Very powerful and raw, Jak. Thanks so much for sharing. 🙂
LikeLike
September 27, 2014 at 08:52
I think many of us have been in the position of drowning in our emotions, and yes, there are times when we just can’t express those feelings in any other way than through poetry. For through poetry, our disjointed thoughts can be somehow brought together so that the insanity of feelings that wash over us can be released, leaving room for peace to finally enter in. Thank you for sharing your pain, for in doing so, you give others the freedom to share and release theirs as well.
God bless you,
Cheryl
LikeLike
September 27, 2014 at 11:30
Thank you. I can’t seem to write poetry as fluidly as I did 15-20 years ago, but I’ll continue to share.
LikeLike
September 27, 2014 at 11:08
Excellent, and reliable…
LikeLike
October 1, 2014 at 19:42
I live with the “black dog.” Right now things are good. I don’t take any SSRI’s because I don’t like the side effects. I’ve learned a few coping techniques to get through the worst of it, but it’s always difficult to make myself go to work when it’s weighing heavy on me.
All my life I’ve had people tell me to “just think happy thoughts” and “stop being so negative” when things turn bleak. People, if it was that easy, I would have done it!
Thank you for sharing your words. They are so real and honest.
poetryofthenetherworld.blogspot.com
LikeLike
October 2, 2014 at 14:44
I get you. I deal with bipolar type II, which is categorized more by major depressive episodes with small hypomanic spikes (slight mania episodes, short in duration). I can’t take SSRI’s at all… they’re just bad news for me. And I also get very frustrated when people don’t see how things have been difficult… the bipolar, the PTSD, etc. Yep, they don’t realize we can’t “just get over it” or wave it away with our magical will!
LikeLike
October 3, 2014 at 18:42
Powerful. Releasing to me and I hope to you too. Poetry is something I think I need to get back to. It’s so just I dunno.. more raw. thank you for letting me read this tonight.
LikeLike