the tao of jaklumen

the path of the sage must become the path of the hero

I am grateful to be DAD


Mass media and much of society still has yet to get the memo.

It’s still lonely, but, I would be remiss if I forgot to mention that my ward (local church congregation) has been better about including my perspective in discussions of parenthood.

Our Relief Society president more or less acknowledged on the stand that visiting teachers minister to families as well as sisters.  Whew!  I thought Cimmy’s were just putting up with me.  Then again, she is my right hand woman for one of my home teaching assignments, because she is assigned as a visiting teacher to the women in that family. Because our respectively assigned companions are inactive or very busy, sometimes, the only way we maintain contact and help for that family is to pair up.

The dads in my ward are hands on.  The elders’ quorum (one of the men’s groups) usually has some kids in the meetings, because our dads take turns caring for their kids.  When my son was younger, I was grateful to get some help when I took my turn caring for him.

Sometimes I sat in during his Primary time, either in opening exercises (when the children met together) or during his individual classroom time.  I am grateful that I don’t have to do that anymore, although, I did like the change of pace then.  I liked singing the Primary songs and listening to the lessons.

I have been hurting so bad that I haven’t been attending services much… again.  I am still grateful that Cimmy is still willing to take the kids anyways.  She didn’t feel well enough to get them to the main worship service, but she took Boy to Primary and Princess to Young Women‘s.  Someone in the ward very thoughtfully gave them a ride home.

boy in tent

Still an old photo. The tent was broken, and then repaired after it was taken. I suggested Cimmy move it closer to the east fence (in the background) to shield it from the wind.

Cimmy set up the tent for Boy to sleep in over the weekend.  I’m grateful that she fixed it.  This is a tent I used during my Scouting years, and I am glad that it’s still servicable.

He slept in it last Friday and Saturday nights, but Cimmy brought him in last night as he was melting down again.  We’ll try again this upcoming weekend.  He slept alone as Princess had no desire to sleep in the tent this time, but we gave him a flashlight, kept the lights on on the back porch areas, and he was fine.

EDIT Friday, September 5: Our ward had a church social that we somehow missed out on (while Cimmy makes it to meetings, she often misses announcements about social activities unless I press her to add it).

Didn’t know until I called an old family friend two hours ago (who incidentally moved into our neighborhood some months ago– sometimes the stars just align that way to our benefit); he promised to let me know about things a little bit better.

Called my father– he schedules for the building the social was in– so many members are just having trouble adjusting to the new technology (ward organizations– Relief Society, etc.– are supposed to schedule online themselves, but they don’t know how, they keep calling him to do it).

Called our bishop (read: pastor, if that’s more familiar to you) about an hour ago to let him know that we were falling through the cracks and not learning about things.  Told him about what I was learning from my father and his calling (read: assignment, position) and said I was willing to help people learn the system– once I can get surgery for the bone spur in my spine and whatever else– and am more healthy to do it.

We will see about Boy sleeping back in the tent tonight.


Author: jaklumen

Wherever you see "jaklumen", that's me- the username is still unique as of the current year. Be aware that the facet you see, is only a small part of the me that is me.

26 thoughts on “I am grateful to be DAD

  1. You are truly blessed to have your wife Cimmy, your two wonderful children, and your church community. I know that you do not always feel well enough to go to the ward for services, but if there is less taxing way to be involved, that may help you feel more supported and less lonely. The LDS is great at supporting their members.

    One of my sister-in-law’s is an LDS member and when she was grieving the death of her infant daughter (born with Down’s Syndrome and not expected to live outside the hospital, which she did), the LDS helped her a great deal.

    I will keep you, Cimmy, and your children in my prayers.


  2. Feeling punk isn’t fun. I’m sorry you hurt, but glad you have your testimony to support you.


  3. It’s great that you and Cimmy work so well as a team. What would we do without our significant others to pick us up when we fall? Nice post. 😉


  4. It’s wonderful to see such a great husband and wife team!


  5. Father participation is so important to a child’s healthy emotional development.


  6. great post. (hugs)


    • Thank you, my friend. I forgot to mention that I was grateful to the bloggers on Twitter that led me to the SAHD resource that I got the first picture from 🙂

      Lots and lots of gratitude all the way around.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow, I am all grown up and I wouldn’t be brave enough to sleep out back in a tent alone!


  8. I forgot about how old Mr. Mom was… which translates to OMG Im old! I wouldnt sleep alone out back either!


    • I assure you you’re only as young as you feel… I’m 40 and my lovely wife is 45.

      Plus, Michael Keaton was also Beetlejuice and Batman, and anyone that remembers that as well is awesome 🙂


  9. I like the way you started this post. And, indeed, he is dead.


  10. Very cool that you and Cimmy have such great teamwork to support your family, and that your son enjoyed staying out. AND coming back in. I remember my sister and I were only allowed to try once, because it went so badly. Good for you for persevering.


    • I’m glad that Princess stayed with him the first few times. I think that helped him sleep in the tent alone.

      Anything I can get him to be ready for church Father & Son campouts down the road.


  11. I’m friends with a few stay-at-home dads. While it is becoming more accepted, it still isn’t easy for you all. I’m glad your ward is seeing the shift in families.
    Hope all of those scheduling glitches get worked out!


    • I like to call myself a homesteader, to see if that helps the mindset any. I don’t have a farm, but, we sure do live close to some. And I was born and bred to be domestic. Thankfully, a very old friend of my wife’s family moved into our ward, so, they are all getting to know another guy who does the cooking at his house. (I’m set to have a canning party at his house Monday. He does all the canning, too.)

      Thanks for stopping by.


  12. Does your ward use facebook or e-mail (or the calendar on LDS tools) to communicate events? It is easy to miss announcements on Sundays, especially for those in Primary or YM/YW. That’s one of my fears as RS president–that I won’t communicate effectively with those sisters who are not in the RS meeting. I send out mass e-mails (using bcc) periodically, but I know I don’t have e-mail addresses for everyone.

    Hope you are feeling better soon!


    • Kristi,

      I don’t have a mobile device, so LDS tools is unavailable to me. I’ve tried for over three years to get the online calendar to sync to what I use for a calendar, which is Google Calendar these days, BUT it doesn’t work!

      Facebook is not an option. Not only did I leave Facebook entirely so I didn’t have to deal with extended family drama (those relatives act like I don’t exist anyways), but… maybe only half of our ward even uses it. A portion uses it ALL the time, and a portion says, “I don’t know about all of that.” Sure, my parents’ ward uses it extensively, but… no. No Facebook.

      The sisters are GREAT about using e-mail. For a time I was able to get the RS Prez to cc me messages. My daughter’s Beehive advisor sends me copies of messages she e-mails to my daughter and the other Beehive girls, because, I asked and I said I’d read them. I always get e-mails from the particular elders’ quorum presidency counselor that uses it, because my info is in the main server, but, Kristi, they had to pass around a sheet just to get my quorum members to give the presidency their contact info!

      My ward is about half professionals and half blue-collar workers, and our ward boundary is partly defined by a bend in the Columbia River– we are right next to family farm country. Our side of the stake is WOEFULLY behind on the new Church technology, and it just gets worse the more rural and east you go. I could go on, but I hope you get an idea!


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