the tao of jaklumen

the path of the sage must become the path of the hero

To write love on her arms


Two years ago, I learned that my daughter turned to cutting to deal with the crushing stress in her life.

She turned to it again two nights ago when Cimmorene lost it with Boy when he would not go to bed for several hours.  Cimmy let me know, because she knew I wouldn’t be angry– how could I?  I dealt with it myself.

I cut myself years ago when I was in a stressful romantic relationship that ended with false accusations of rape.  Cimmy wasn’t around then, but she was when I started cutting again, as the university we were attending was soaked in scandal, and the music department especially was mired in dirty politics between professors.  When she miscarried before our son was born… more cuts.

So all I could do was listen to my daughter, and tell her more about my struggles with this issue.

I want her to continuing taking pencils, pens, and such to paper– not a knife to her arms.

Author: jaklumen

Wherever you see "jaklumen", that's me- the username is still unique as of the current year. Be aware that the facet you see, is only a small part of the me that is me.

14 thoughts on “To write love on her arms

  1. I’m sorry to hear that both of you have had to deal with cutting. At least she has you to talk to about it unlike most kids who would just be punished or made to feel that there is something wrong with them. See, God knows who our parents and who our children should be. That’s why He makes it happen…so that we become the person we were meant to be.


  2. Oh, my gosh…I’m so sorry to hear about this.
    ((hugs)) for all of you.


  3. Oh, sorry about this, Jak. It’s good that she has you to talk to who understands exactly what it feels like. It’s tough though when you see your children struggling and coping the same way you did. Since my niece lived with us, i now understand what is behind cutting better than I ever did. I hope you have a peaceful weekend.


  4. I am so sorry that you, Cimmy and your daughter are going through this. I used to dissociate for hours a day in my bathroom picking at my skin. I really enjoyed dissociating or day dreaming.

    This sounds silly, and I by no means want to dismiss your daughter’s pain, but your idea of putting pens and pencils to paper got me thinking. When my son was very young, I used Sharpie permanent markers to draw dragon “tattoos” on his arms. Perhaps she’d like to do temporary art on herself. Even Sharpies are temporary, for we continually shed our outer skin layers. Henna is another idea.


  5. Your little girl needs professional help – it gets worse in their teenage years.


    • Yes, I know… we live in an “emerging area” and local professionals keep refusing to treat her. She is 12, so the teenage years start (technically) next May.


    • It is NOT from lack of ANY effort on my part. My own counselor tried to help with that, but it was all “she is too young” and “she is not in enough trouble yet.” No, I’m not kidding!


      • I cannot believe that someone would say that to you! There are children as young as five and six self harming! Does her school have a qualified counsellor? We have two full time psychologists at our school and they are incredibly busy. I have one student that I work with individually who is a self harming and her arms are just a mass of criss crossed scars. I do hope that you can find someone to assist you, and her.


  6. Art can be very therapeutic. (hugs)


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