the tao of jaklumen

the path of the sage must become the path of the hero

Tears In The Abyss

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I’m trying to keep good netiquette, but it’s hard.

Picking up from Nightmares In the Abyss:

Then there’s tonight– a family function for a segment of my extended family that are drama-whores, passive-aggressive, or both. I can’t sugarcoat this. I am for sure going for the extended family that loves Cimmy and I unconditionally. The rest… I don’t know.

Then my blogging buddy Rob Ross shared this post from Andra Watkins:

and this comment just poured out of me:

I’m not sure how to say this eloquently… the illusion of my FUFF was shattered and pieced together numerous times.

I’ll spare you the long version and go for the short one. Last weekend I ducked some fiascos. My father has two brothers. His younger one and his family loves Cimmorene and I unconditionally. They came down for my dad’s older brother– his youngest son’s son had a baptism. Younger brother uncle and family loves Cimmorene and I unconditionally. (Before I got married, I introduced Cimmy to my dad’s mom, younger brother uncle, and aunt, in about that order, before ANY other family members, including my parents.) Older brother uncle and his family are petty and melodramatic, especially my aunt. Dad told me today she had NOTHING good to say about her eldest child (on a different visit), who just buried her eldest special needs child. That just had me in tears.

Of course my thoughts will be with your brother. Trust me, I did tell you the short version story.

I wish I could elaborate from there, but I can’t.  It’s too painful.

I’ll let the archives speak for me (i.e., I’ll reference again what I wrote before, but YEARS ago):

Frayed family ties.

Remembering why I don’t like family gatherings.

FBI Badge & gun.

Just for reference: the cousin that went off to Quantico and became an FBI agent?  He’s the “youngest son” whose son was getting baptized.  He and his wife just suddenly cut off contact, just like they did with my youngest sister.  But she had the opportunity to met the missus, and I didn’t.  I mean, after all the “love the photos of your kids, send more”… oh, even then, the missus responded for that short time, not my cousin.

I smell dirty gossip.  Or something.  Okay, I’m done.

The Hero's Journey: The Abyss

Author: jaklumen

Wherever you see "jaklumen", that's me. The username is still unique as of 2016, so it's just me, and only me. It's the real me, because I'm bad at faking otherwise.

4 thoughts on “Tears In The Abyss

  1. First, I am terribly sorry that I’m just getting over here to read this post that you shared with me. I am a twerp who completely forgot about this conversation until literally two minutes ago when I ferociously searched my twitter feed to find the link. So please allow me to apologize for being a nimcapoo.

    I don’t know exactly what I can say about this post, though. It sounds like some of your family might be toxic to you. I will never understand a family who gossip about each other. I guess, Jak, the only thing we can take from this is what not to do, particularly with our own children (and I’m not sure you and Cimmy have them because I’m just getting to know you, so forgive me if this is not something we should discuss.) I think the best thing we can do is seek people who build us up rather than tear us down. Lord knows life whips us enough without having the added influence of the people who are “supposed” to love us. Hang in there, and I hope there are no family gatherings in your near future.

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    • Welcome, Mandi. It’s good to see you here.

      I just wanted to let you know that yes, Cimmy and I have children– whenever you see me (or Cimmy) say “Princess”, that’s our 12-year old daughter, and whenever we say “Boy”, that’s our 7-year old son with autism. Yes, you’re right– I am grateful everyday that we are not repeating the nightmares I experienced with my father and mother.

      Again, this is just my dad’s older brother and his family. I talked to my youngest sister and she told me that I was completely justified in letting things hang loose– that N (cousin’s wife in the first letter) was probably writing to make herself feel better. She said if I ever did get together with them, it probably should be without uncle, aunt, or other near family members. She has had more recent experience with them, so I trust what she tells me, maybe a little more so than what my Dad does. Actually, if it wasn’t for Dad, I would hear NOTHING from this branch of the family.

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      • It sounds like a little bit of a tangled web, but if you can manage to spend time with these people and still protect yourself and Cimmy and Princess and Boy, then I applaud you. I always tell my (favorite) brother that it would be so much easier if he and I could just move to Phuket and say fuk it to the rest of our family.

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        • Two of my siblings and most of my cousins literally put a lot of distance between themselves and their parents. One of those siblings– well, she hasn’t spoken to me much since I’ve been married. My sisters don’t fully know what to make of Cimmy, which of course is THEIR problem. If they can get along with Dad, they’ll figure out how to get along with her. (Dad, Cimmy, and my FIL all share a very cheesy cornball sense of humor.)

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