the tao of jaklumen

the path of the sage must become the path of the hero

Happy Mother’s Day, through Good, Bad & The Ugly

14 Comments

Mother’s Day can be a mixed bag for me.

My whole blogging experience started out with trying to sort out the anger I had with my mother, trying to heal a lot of inner wounds and self-loathing from past emotional rape and other traumatic experiences.  It didn’t help much that HER mother was also part of the dysfunctionally tangled web that was much of my childhood.

I had to set some of that aside when my mother was diagnosed with Parkinson’s.

That said, I must give credit where credit is due.  I was born and bred to be domestic.  My mother (and my grandmother) taught me a lot of skills as such that have served me very, very well.   I suppose this was easier to impart as I was the only male child.  I know it sparks a small amount of envy at times: I’ve said that I like certain chores very much (vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, etc.) and some women (who have usually bemoaned their own husband’s lack of enthusiasm) will jokingly ask me to come do those chores for them.  Cimmorene is usually quick to snap back with something to the effect of: “You can’t have him, he’s mine!”

Things got better when I married Cimmorene.  I’ll put it this way: I am not wont to tell mother-in-law jokes.  My mother-in-law still has a few idiosyncrasies that drive me crazy, but generally, I get along much better with my mother-in-law than I do my own mother.

And then there’s my other grandmother- my father’s mother.  I was devastated when she died, shortly before Princess was born.  She seemed to be the only woman for a long time that truly understood me.  (Needless to say, she was the first family member I introduced Cimmorene to.)  She died after a battle with Alzheimer’s and dementia.

This is something that my maternal grandmother is dealing with now.  I’m still not sure if my mother is ready to deal with the full implications of that.  She is with her, my grandfather, and my father now for Mother’s Day weekend.  She called me back a hour or so ago to ask me if there were any cookbooks I wanted– part of their trip was to meet with an estate Realtor to get the house and some of the furnishings sold.

Now, my writing skills tell me it’s very awkward to end here. But then a gut part of me says that should sum up my feelings perfectly well.

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Author: jaklumen

Wherever you see "jaklumen", that's me. The username is still unique as of 2016, so it's just me, and only me. It's the real me, because I'm bad at faking otherwise.

14 thoughts on “Happy Mother’s Day, through Good, Bad & The Ugly

  1. That is interesting that your blogging began out of your anguish with the relationship with your mother. It is easy to understand how this would spark you to blog and we benefit from this. 🙂

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  2. Mother’s Day is one of those confusing holidays that forces us to dwell on past hurts, I find. Maybe not everyone but some of us.

    My Grandmother (Mom’s Mom– whom I adore, she’s a lovely creature) has alzheimers/dementia. It’s getting constantly worse. It’s hard to watch, but I’m comforted knowing that she doesn’t seem to be in any pain. Even when she is confused she seems happy and I suppose that’s all I could ask for.

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    • Thanks for your thoughts, Aussa. It provides me with some perspective. My grandmother seems a bit sweeter now, and most of the family has decided to focus on that.

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  3. Oh, wow. Reverberations through the generations. I’m sorry that it’s been so difficult. But you do seem to have changed the course of things within your own family. That’s wonderful!!!

    Haven’t been here for a few days — I’m hoping that your pain is less now — that the device will be in place soon and that you’ll feel better.
    🙂

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  4. I see I wasn’t the only one to post about Mother’s Day angst. It isn’t easy…
    You have a good mother in-law though, lucky. 🙂

    – Kit

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  5. Reblogged this on the tao of jaklumen and commented:

    I am still working on a post about the Mother Wound concept, so, for now- a post about Mother’s Day, from the archives.

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