the tao of jaklumen

the path of the sage must become the path of the hero

Electric Fences and Spinal Cord Stim

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The leads for the trial period of the spinal cord stimulator are finally in the epidural space of my spine (as of  16-17h approxminately Monday evening, Pacific Daylight Time).  I am terribly sore right now, and probably will be still by the time this repost publishes.  Please enjoy.  I will probably be re-running the Silver Surfer series next, filling out more Hero’s Journey stages to cover Surfer’s return to the cosmos and The Infinity Gauntlet storyline.

So I’ve already reblogged Steph’s marvelous What’s Your Electric Fence? post, but I figured it would be better to share my thoughts in a separate post, rather than try to cram it into the reblog, or in a comment on her post.

It’s my understanding that such is considered polite in the blogosphere.  So here I am.

Coincidentally, I was surfing YouTube the night before and caught this episode of Ren & Stimpy:

I thought, “Oh dude, don’t mention that– it’s so immature!”  Steph was talking about electric fences in a metaphorical sense– anything that holds us back in our lives.  But then she mentioned “using the public urinal” and I couldn’t help myself.

The other coincidental connection is more serious, however.  A receptionist at the pain center called today to say that pre-authorization (don’t you just love insurance terminology?) had been granted for the trial period for the spinal cord stim procedure and that we could schedule a time to have it done.  It will be the 30th, two Mondays from now.  So I joked to Steph that I was going to have an electric fence threaded up my spine.

What are my electric fences?  Steph listed a few that hold true for me as well.  I was never happy with my looks for years– and I mean my face, as well as my body.  I hated my Scandinavian button nose, as it seemed there was no one around me that had one.  Seriously– I remember years later seeing someone from a Scandinavian country post  their picture online, and I thought, “Hey, that dude has a nose like me!”  I didn’t like my deep-set eyes or my full lips.  Classmates in middle school were actually rude enough to suggest that my mother had to be Asian and my father had to be black for those facial features.

I still don’t like my boyish looks sometimes.  So many people think I’m 10 years younger than I really am.  I grew a beard to try to offset those opinions, but they still came.  When I got my hair cut last Friday, the stylist seemed to act surprised that I had grey hairs in my head.  “They look like highlights,” she said.  Heh.  Nice save there, hun.

Body issues… oh yeah.  My mother’s side of the family gave me mixed messages on eating, so I was worried about dieting… in the fifth grade.  Wish I could go back to my younger self and ask him not to worry, but he’d probably see my humongous belly now, and yell and cry.  Psychiatric drugs, a non-accident back injury, and emotional eating all grew that.  Even my belly button is fat now.

I’m not sure how to end this post now.  All I can think of is fluffy “I will overcome” statements that just feel insincere right now.  But I rather like Steph’s closing thought:

Maybe we can go electric fence trashing together, or at least cause a power outage so they’re just fences and we can jump them together.

She Said What?  Oh Yes She Did!  I’ll take you up on that, Steph.  Thanks again for your post!

Author: jaklumen

Wherever you see "jaklumen", that's me. The username is still unique as of 2016, so it's just me, and only me. It's the real me, because I'm bad at faking otherwise.

5 thoughts on “Electric Fences and Spinal Cord Stim

  1. So you prefer the term midget, then? I was doing some quick reading at Wikipedia to refresh my memory and the Dwarfism article implied that “proportionate dwarfism” was favored, and “midget” could be considered pejorative nowadays. My understanding of what is courteous, however, is to ask you what you prefer, and to go with that.

    While people appreciate my height when they can’t quite reach something up high, there are days I wish I had the help of someone short to reach small nooks and crannies, especially since I can’t bend too well and certainly not with a stimulator in place. I also like to say that being tall isn’t quite all it’s cracked up to be with low clearance walkways, when I hit my head on something.

    My body image has improved a lot, actually. I could corner some of the people that teased me– a few didn’t leave the area– but I suspect that they were more insecure about themselves and would be embarrassed to be reminded of youthful indiscretions, as it were.

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    • Actually, I prefer Toni or Toni-san.

      Oh, you caught me there, Toni-san… you’re quick with the wit this morning!

      Two of my sisters are about 6′– they both married with no problems. Actually, all three of my sisters married men that were close to their height. (Youngest sister #1 is short, but not terribly so.) Younger sister #2 married a man who is about 6’4″ but since she stands 6′, she got the name “Jenn the Amazon.”

      I don’t know why tall would scare away men. Many women I dated were at least as tall as me, and I remember (sadly) that tall women did not always seem to welcome my honest appreciation, maybe still in the midst of their own insecurity.

      I dated and was friends with women of all heights– Cimmy is happy to be just enough shorter than me to be able to rest her head on my shoulder or chest. She’s mentioned this publicly and most women agree with her that it’s ideal. *shrug* I preferred to look women in the eye, but, it’s close enough.

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  2. Thank you again for your prayers, by the way.

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  3. Pre-authorization is a strange word but it is a GOOD word in this case! That’s usually half the battle, to fight the insurance companies. Feeling hopeful for you.

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    • Hehe, the insurance companies are more or less the government, or contracted by the government.

      Actually, the battle was with office staff that needed more training. I could have started this a lot sooner, but it’s okay. I think the timing now is much better. There likely wouldn’t have been RadCon for me and my family back in February if things had been better rescheduled– or– surviving the family birthday rush in March probably would have been harder.

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