the tao of jaklumen

the path of the sage must become the path of the hero

This is more than a party.


Those of you that have been reading for a while may remember I’m no stranger to sexual predations online, or other things that seemed to ruin the party.

There was A 10-year blogging journey: Woman As Temptress (LiveJournal) and no pervs for a family account– SERIOUSLY (Flickr).  The former is about a young woman that started following me on LiveJournal, befriended me, and then decided to virtually take advantage of me sexually.  The latter was about running into pedophiles on Flickr.  What especially chilled my blood was one that asked for prurient pictures of my 6-year old son appeared to be a woman.

This happened at VOX, too, although along less obviously predatory lines.  One I’ll simply refer to as “S”.   S seemed to have a great fascination with posting commercially produced photos of women in lingerie, as well as a handful of other posts that were sexually suggestive.  S always insisted that the photos were for considerations of artistic expression, but after I complained a bit that they were alluring, she posted something more along the lines of softcore porn, urging me to have sex with Cimmorene.

There was no question that S had been abused– she once posted a photo of herself covered in bruises.  She confessed to me about performing on webcam for men.

I felt empathy for her, as I had been in similar situations that I won’t elaborate on right now.  But looking back on the gossip she started, well, that wasn’t so flattering.  She started some against another user in particular, and I didn’t know who to believe at the time.  I admit, that’s a difficult thing about surviving abuse– with a history of mixed messages, it’s difficult to tell who’s being deceitful and who’s telling the truth.  Before VOX closed, she re-emerged with a new identity.

With a different incident, I was on a different side of the issue.  This involved someone named Val.

Val and I didn’t see eye to eye on everything, but she had a really infectious, delightfully sick sense of humor.  Remember 2 Girls, 1 Cup?  Yeah, she thought that was funny as hell.   She thought videos of people reacting to that video was especially funny as hell.  To this day, I sometimes utter, “Mmm, cakefarts” out loud because the funny for her one day was a skinny little waif in underwear, sitting on a chocolate cake as if she was going to take a dump, and farting on it.  She also posted a picture of some clouds once, said that one of her family members thought it was God parting them to look down on the world, and she said it looked like the Goatse photo.  (Don’t Google that, please, unless you’re sure you want to see something revolting.)

Val was my inspiration for the “Sick F***” club, especially as the “motto” was originally about her:

“Damn it, Val, you really are a sick f! … good thing I like sick fs.”

What I was very blissfully unaware of was that although Val was married, she decided to have an affair, with another VOX user.   All I knew at the time was that she suddenly said she was moving and that she had divorced “Mr. Val”.

I asked about it later after a number of us moved to WordPress, because she decided to close the blog she’d imported over, and then took on a new name for another blog.  I was told that this other user decided to make the affair public on the blogging platform, and that there was a “Great Shunning” of her.

She just faded into the background after a while, did what I’d call a “drop off the face of the earth.”  I was sad about that.

I’ll leave it to you readers to draw parallels about all the above to this recent scandal.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, that’s okay.  I don’t think it’s anything you’d really want to delve into.  If you do, well, know that I understand there’s been a lot of gossip and hate mail floating around about it, especially as in some instances, it’s just vitriol aimed by associations.  It’s not cool with me.

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Author: jaklumen

Wherever you see "jaklumen", that's me- the username is still unique as of the current year. Be aware that the facet you see, is only a small part of the me that is me.

10 thoughts on “This is more than a party.

  1. Yes, all that hate mail. It’s so weird to me. I mean, I get why I got the hate mail and all since I was the person who outed a predator. But other claims of hate mail on blogs that have no contact forms or email addresses or even a fb presence. It’s all so odd. I posted mine, just reassure everyone that I wasn’t a liar, I’m known for posting evidence, as I think being fake is just dog awful. To misrepresent is awful and I think the blogging world is ripe for that type of thing. This platform allows for personae and characters where no one is truly held accountable.

    I put the stamp of my name on everything.


  2. also, maybe I was just totally lost with regards to the parallels because I couldn’t really see them. My fault, I’m sure. It’s been a rough week.


    • Don’t worry too much about it… I was intentionally vague. Not everything lines up perfectly, like my story with Val– I think she did something regrettable, but something that could (and I think should) have been more easily forgiven. Unfortunately, she was crucified for her indiscretion, and she wasn’t even the one spilling the beans. :-S

      I miss being in contact with her. I really do.


  3. The guilt by association is out of line. Directing anger to those who did something is one thing. Taking shots at their friends caught in the crossfire is something else.

    But I also have to ask myself – are any of us clean?


    • Yeah, it’s a very legitimate question. Do we have a right to judge if we’re not free of the wrong in question? Are we ready to be judged by the same measurement of judgment we mete out?

      My understanding in the discipleship of my Master is that if I should judge, I should be prepared to receive the same judgment in kind, and as I am commanded to love myself, as well as others, such judgment should be measured with love.


      • Sounds like a variation of don’t dish out what you can’t take.
        Yeah, my conscience and I can live with that.


        • Yeah, I can go with that.

          I sometimes say that friends and family “give as good as they get”, and that’s in a positive context.

          I referenced this with the notion of love, because… well, some people can be masochistic, or rather, they can really hate themselves while hating others. That dark side is always there in life, but it’s not a road I want to take.


        • Good for you! I’m with you on the upbeat path. I wouldn’t describe mine as “love”, because that’s not who I am, but I’d use “help each other along”.


        • That’s a very good way of putting it– the notion of support and encouragement is strong in my faith as well: “bearing one another’s burdens, that they may be light.”

          Language can be a limiting thing, sometimes; it’s hard to describe a spectrum of ideas with just one word. I think we’re on the same wavelength, though, that building each other up is much preferable to tearing each other down. There is enough yin energy in life that we should give balance out with the yang.


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