The next big posts I’m looking at in my LiveJournal material have to do with being diagnosed with sleep apnea, and going back to work at city hall as a volunteer. They’re in the first two months of 2004.
Why do I see it as a crossing of the (first) threshold, or committing to change, as per Vogler’s inner journey interpretation? I began to realize with both incidents that the road to employment was more or less over, and I needed to make changes to accept living with disability. Now, I’d worked for City Hall before, as part of a welfare-to-work program. There were certain expectations made of me then, and when I came back as a volunteer, the attitude of at least one of my supervisors was very different. On the other hand, doing work after a proper night’s sleep made a huge difference!
What about Campbell’s analogy of the Belly of the Whale, returning to the World Womb/Navel, the Earthly Paradise?
I guess the post on Feb. 21st, 2004 speaks to that:
I’ve come to find that funerals, viewings, and such are more for the living than they are for the dead.
The post is cryptic. I’m not sure what prompted me to this thought. Campbell says, “Instead of passing outward, beyond the confines of the visible world, the hero goes inward, to be born again.” And I would say it was introspective.
And I realized that– from here on out, the tone of my blogging changed DRASTICALLY. After this post, the memes and “lemmings” start to drop off. The blaming, the pity parties… they all seem to be gone. The next posts are month after month of 12 Step work, which I’ll write more about in the next post or so in this series, concerning Tests, Allies and Enemies/Experimenting with new conditions and Approach to the Abyss/Preparing for major change.