I’m taking a break from tales of the blogging journey these past ten years to focus on a fifteen year journey. A reconnection, if you will.
Now the main date is a week from yesterday– the 12th. This is how long Cimmy and I have been sealed together in this mortal coil. But the journey actually began on the 5th, when I received my endowment ordinance.
It is usually customary for young men to receive this ordinance before serving a mission. I did not go. The abuse of my past, and all the mistaken and broken ways I took to cope with it, held me back. So both the endowment, and my sealing to Cimmy, were on back-to-back Saturdays. There were a few things done on the 5th that connected to things on the 12th.
I was not sure I was ready. But I had a very steady prompting that this needed to happen.
The subsequent years were a bit of a paradox. Memories came flooding in– Cimmy and I remembering things about each other no other mortal being could possibly know. I described it once before during my VOX period something like the following:
“One day, I had a dream. I woke from that dream, and described it to someone else. That person told me she had a dream too, and began describing it to me. We realized we were sharing different halves of the same dream, each of us in turn describing what the other had forgotten. Then we realized it wasn’t a dream at all– it was real, a time we once knew.”
Yet I had not resolved the hurt, suffering, and sin. I lost access to the blessings in the promises I had made in that house of stone and light– as well as some other things as far as my membership standing. Fortunately, Cimmy was still by my side to help me.
It took an atonement of father and son to make the way back. An atonement with my own earthly father, and an atonement with my firstborn son. An Atonement with my Master, which He had already freely given me, but that I had denied myself in a pride from beneath, deeming myself unworthy. It included a recognition of the journey into manhood, and realizing even if I had not taken what I thought to be the rites of passage, I had actually done so… I just hadn’t fully seen it. I learned to forgive myself, and to accept the masculine strength that was already inside me. I’ll explain later in future posts, but I was told that I gained maturity– and much of it had to do with the birth of our son as well as reconciliation with my father.