I am not sure how to put this into words, because so much of it is intensely personal. So personal and so precious, that I cannot bear to have it mocked.
I read Dad’s last revision to his personal history a few days ago. There is a certain portion that he is worried about– worried how family will receive it. It is indeed sad, and lays bare some of the spiritual wounds and sufferings of his parents, his brothers, and his children.
But for me, for the first time, the path is clear. For at least twenty years, I brooded about how I could connect my past to my future, to make a foreordination a destiny. Now I understand what I must do.
I think my mother-in-law is right. There has been hurting for too many generations, traditions that festered and destroyed from within, but a chance to heal has come, a chance that I can take. I wouldn’t be so arrogant to assume it is all on me; I’ve implied above that my father recognizes it.
“The son becomes the father, and the father becomes the son.”
Her eldest daughter, who is my wife, suggests that the change must come within me, starting with myself.
I must trust in my Master. Trust that He knows the way for me. Trust that is complete and unconditional, right down to laying everything I have and am right on the line. There is so much contention and discord about Him… but I know what I have seen, felt… remembered. I will be true despite the mockery, hoping and waiting for the day of reunification. The rifts that were suffered will at last come together.
Till all are one.