Trauma. Trauma stinks. It stinks when I get the shakes and I can’t calm down. I hate conflict. My sense of trust is still a bit shattered– it is hard to measure out a balanced amount as needed. It comes out strong or not at all.
I changed my mind about a previous post. I got caught in one of those topics I’d just rather not discuss, because I have a difficult time discussing them and not getting upset.
One category starts with “P”. I know some people do love it so but it tends to irk me when it’s stuff people can do very precious little about specifically and individually. My life is difficult enough without worrying about what he, she, it, and their dog is screaming about to the machines, especially when they’ve been at the same tricks for decades and will unlikely ever change.
Another category is of personal belief. It sometimes starts with “R” or starts with “s”. A friend and churchmate of mine had a stroke the other night. I was summoned near midnight to administer to him. The support I provided is not necessarily esoteric, but it is personal.
I have finished “Iron John” and “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover” recently– books connected to the men’s movement of the 1990’s; concepts grounded in Jungian archetypes. I do not think I can discuss my reasons neatly and succinctly without there being some misunderstanding. But it is focus I need. I am working on carrying out the ideas… and THAT, that DOES get into things that ARE esoteric. Yes… not for discussion with outsiders. Sorry.
Yet another category begins with “S”… and also has the letter “x” prominently in it. You should understand how trust fits in here, yes? To be betrayed by the Matrix… I have explained the meaning to some. I will not do so now, however.
Another category… “$$$$” should say it all. So many profess that it does not matter to them, but oh, how it does. So many that really do NOT understand when I say, “No, really, no… I cannot afford that.” I suppose it is reasonable enough, however, that I have known some affluence as well as some poverty.
They say “health is wealth”. I am tired of responding to “but you don’t look sick.” Pardon me a chuff for a moment. I think a friend did say it well– I have fair health, but I am painfully aware of my limitations.
That is all for now. This will be locked down in the usual time-sensitive manner.