the tao of jaklumen

the path of the sage must become the path of the hero

blink twice and you might miss something

1 Comment

Trauma. Trauma stinks. It stinks when I get the shakes and I can’t calm down. I hate conflict. My sense of trust is still a bit shattered– it is hard to measure out a balanced amount as needed. It comes out strong or not at all.

I changed my mind about a previous post. I got caught in one of those topics I’d just rather not discuss, because I have a difficult time discussing them and not getting upset.

One category starts with “P”. I know some people do love it so but it tends to irk me when it’s stuff people can do very precious little about specifically and individually. My life is difficult enough without worrying about what he, she, it, and their dog is screaming about to the machines, especially when they’ve been at the same tricks for decades and will unlikely ever change.

Another category is of personal belief. It sometimes starts with “R” or starts with “s”. A friend and churchmate of mine had a stroke the other night. I was summoned near midnight to administer to him. The support I provided is not necessarily esoteric, but it is personal.

I have finished “Iron John” and “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover” recently– books connected to the men’s movement of the 1990’s; concepts grounded in Jungian archetypes. I do not think I can discuss my reasons neatly and succinctly without there being some misunderstanding. But it is focus I need. I am working on carrying out the ideas… and THAT, that DOES get into things that ARE esoteric. Yes… not for discussion with outsiders. Sorry.

Yet another category begins with “S”… and also has the letter “x” prominently in it. You should understand how trust fits in here, yes? To be betrayed by the Matrix… I have explained the meaning to some. I will not do so now, however.

Another category… “$$$$” should say it all. So many profess that it does not matter to them, but oh, how it does. So many that really do NOT understand when I say, “No, really, no… I cannot afford that.” I suppose it is reasonable enough, however, that I have known some affluence as well as some poverty.

They say “health is wealth”. I am tired of responding to “but you don’t look sick.” Pardon me a chuff for a moment. I think a friend did say it well– I have fair health, but I am painfully aware of my limitations.

That is all for now. This will be locked down in the usual time-sensitive manner.

Author: jaklumen

Wherever you see "jaklumen", that's me- the username is still unique as of the current year. Be aware that the facet you see, is only a small part of the me that is me.

One thought on “blink twice and you might miss something

  1. It sure does sound like you have an awful lot of ‘issues’ going on in your world. I can relate to almost all of them.

    The $$$ issue. I may feel that I am right there with you, but I’m not. There was a time in my life where I only ate one or two times during a given weekend…and some of those times were put ‘on my account’ which I may have or may not have paid off every two weeks. During the week I would grab something quick, easy and inexpensive for breakfast (or nothing at all) lunch was my big meal of the day as I could NOT have co-workers knowing just exactly how broke, poor and hungry I was. (Personal pride and all of that stuff)…but that was nearly 20 years ago…and I hope to never ever get like that again.

    Trauma does stink. I hope today finds you in a better mental state.



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