<div> A few of you I've elevated to Friends status, otherwise, you wouldn't be able to read this. Incidentally, as I was thinking about doing so, one of you posted on the very subject.
I think I need to take a more aggressive approach and see about counseling again, although in all of my 25 years in the system (yes, really), I don't trust counselors or therapists much. But then, since my sense of trust was wounded at such a young age, I don't trust anyone too easily much at all.
More specifically, I need to see that PTSD gets back into my paperwork. My last long-term p-doc spoke to me at some length about it, but I sincerely doubt in my shuffle between community mental health agencies since then, that it is even referenced at all in my current diagnosis. I won't take no for an answer, though, or let them flip shit at me that I must be mistaken. I've been having too many nightmares, whether I'm asleep or not.
To be very blunt, my parents physically, emotionally, and to an extent sexually abused me and I'm still struggling to cope with it. It does me no good to be angry with them now, although my father acknowledges he did wrong. (My mother… I could wait forever and never get anything. But that's a different story.)
To Val and others who remember me talking about my bigoted grandfather, well, he is apparently pissed at me because when I said "bork" as in the Swedish Chef (his e-mails have been put through a filter that reads like the Swedish Chef of the Muppets is saying them), he thought I said "dork" when I wrote him a very terse e-mail saying I thought his mass e-mail praising Michael Richards for dropping the N-bomb as a "proud white" was inappropriate. (Ironically, the actor himself seems quite traumatized about the aftermath; according to Wikipedia, when he did a sketch parodying the incident, he had to have help from a therapist because he cried after every take.) Now my mother is very, very upset with him. I understand the conversation involved shouting and stuff.
That's just edges of the iceberg but I won't elaborate too much about my very dysfunctional extended family. Some of you have read plenty on it, the new two… I'm sure you can imagine without me rehashing that garbage. So… it's time to sort it once and for all, however long that takes.